A little less than half the sky

The roads were deserted, the sky was dark and the only thing that engulfed the whole atmosphere was silence. I am not talking about suburbs but about the capital city, New Delhi after midnight.A few days ago I had to go for a friend's marriage from Pitampura to Dwarka. Living alone in Delhi for the past 6 years or so I have never been able to (read dared to) venture out alone after 9p.m..

Which means I have missed a lot of weddings, dinners, parties and umpteen other important occasions and made a lot of excuses to cover up the same. So while sometimes my roommate fell ill at other times I had to slip from the stairs.

But after my stay in Odisha for a year, I feel a little liberated. But this liberation and freedom is also a little scary sometimes. This time when I received the invitation, I decided that neither my roomie is going to fall ill nor am I going to break my leg, I am simply going to enjoy my friend's wedding. Well what about the things like 'Carpe Diem' and 'Equality' and 'Friendship and love'.

 So there I was. I attended the wedding and it was an achievement. And why not? For a Delhi girl in the 21^st Century it is an achievement to be out that late. But as the clock struck 10, I started to freak out because I realised that however modern I can pose to be my opposite sex has somehow failed to control their libido. The next one hour was spent in finding cabs and hearing lectures about my foolishness from a friend (all out of care though). Yes I am not the 'plan everything in advance' types, but I am also not 'flow with the current types'.

I wondered if I was really wrong in choosing to come out for this adventure (which for most might not be an adventure at all). And then the recent case of a girl getting raped by a Uber cab driver have given me all the answers. Unfortunately, I don't like these answers but I have to accept them.

I boarded the last metro on the Airport Express Line from Dwarka Sec 21 to New Delhi with a male friend of mine. The friend who was doubting my sanity agreed to pick me up from New Delhi Railway Station and then I saw the Delhi I had never seen. Delhi at midnight is beautiful to say the least (at least from inside the car windows and with guy friends you can trust). Even the dingy hotels of Karol Bagh and Paharganj seem like perfectly placed.

When I looked out of the metro glass I wondered in the past six years had I not missed enjoying one of the most beautiful sights. I mean look at the sky and the surroundings at Dwarka Sector 21 metro station at 11:00 p.m. and you will understand what I mean. My friend who accompanied me in the metro could not stop praising the sanctity of the place on a full moon night.

So as I my friend picked me up from New Delhi with his brother, I hopped inside the car like a child who travels by a train for the first time and gets glued to the window excited about the fact that the trees, the mountains and the houses are moving backward.

I took the backseat and gazed at the same trees, same roads and same houses and shops which I have seen not less than a thousand times in awe and admiration. Look at the Indian Tricolour fluttering at Cannaught Place at midnight, the saffron, the white and the green mixing in each other as well the dark and you can't escape jitters of patriotism. But at the very same instant, I regretted for the not being free enough to witness my own tricolour whenever I want to.

As our car raced towards Pitampura, I wished for the night to never get over. But at the same time, I wished if my city could be a little more safer and could accept me in entirety. I have not traveled much but I just wonder if it is a case in other parts of the world as well. If all over the world females are dependent on a male friend or relative to help her take simple decisions like going out for a friend's wedding. Have we made our homes so unsafe that we doubt everyone.

Delhi is more than my hometown to me. She has taught me how to be independent, she has taught me to celebrate small victories and she has taught me to forget big failures. She has made me witness life closely, she has given me the courage to live out of my comfort zone, she has in a way brought me closer to myself. I refer to Delhi as 'she' because she is both beautiful and desirable but it really hurts to realise that the way I have accepted her, she has not accepted me. She has given me everything from acceptance to friends to love, except the freedom to enjoy my freedom. To cover my head, she has given me (read the female gender) only a little less than what I (read all of us) deserved – half the sky, a little less than half the sky.